My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Randomize
