That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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