um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
