I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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