just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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