Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You are a booty call, not a friend.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
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