You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
