I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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