and you said cock pushups were impossible
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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