im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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