There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
