Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
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