so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
