i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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