It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Randomize
