I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I will be naked everywhere
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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