Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
