I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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