I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
