If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
