He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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