There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
