Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
