Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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