a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
should my penis look like a turkey
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
