How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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