TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
