I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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