Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
The beer is more important than you right now.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
