It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
