Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
