I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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