I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
