They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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