I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
