I cannot find my penis.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Who died my cat blue again?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
