Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
