we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
