lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
