I didn't shave. On purpose
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
