We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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