mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
