he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
