NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
What a dumb baby whore.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
