the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
