HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
