apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
