She went from zero to smokin in five shots
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
This is the high leading the old right now
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
