Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
