How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
