i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
