I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
