i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize
